We're not from Mars,'Nicaraguan Men Against Violence assert.doc

Were not from Mars, Nicaraguan men against violence assertThe emergence of a vigorous, pro-feminist men's movement in Nicaragua has been a great step forward in the struggle to 'unlearn machismo'. The dynamic partnership between women's and men's groups for the objective of eradicating gender and family violence flows from the country's 10-year (1979-1990) revolutionary Sandinista experiment.By Gareth Richards_IN the back room of a village hall, a workshop participant confesses that he hit his wife and son, despite a pledge to renounce the most brutal form of traditional male power.'How do I stop?' he asks members of the Nicaraguan Association of Men Against Violence (Asociación de Hombres Contra la Violencia. or AHCV). 'How do I prove myself a man without violence?' His compatriots do not excuse him or offer easy answers. Instead, they struggle together to 'unlearn machismo' through honest and painful self-reflection. The emergence of a vigorous, pro-feminist men's movement in Nicaragua dedicated to eradicating gender and family violence at the personal and political level has surprised many. Three decades of war More than 30 years of civil war, political upheaval, a World Bank-and IMF-imposed structural adjustment programme and a string of natural disasters have turned this Central American country into one of the poorest in the western hemisphere. In particular, the insurrection against the Somoza dictatorship in the 1970s - and atrocities committed in the 1980s by the United States-backed Contras to destabilize the government of the Sandinista National Liberation Front (FSLN) devastated the economy and brutalised the population. Over three-quarters of families live in poverty, according to the latest census figures, and sharp rises in unemployment during the past decade of right-wing government have been accompanied by violent crime-especially against women. A 1998 survey by the state Statistics and Census Institute found 29% of women from all classes and backgrounds have experienced physical or sexual violence at the hands of a partner. Other studies suggest that levels of gender violence may be even higher. 'Candies in Hell', a 1995 study of 488 women in the city of León, found that 60% of women interviewed had been the victim of either physical, sexual or psychological violence. Thirty-one per cent of abused women suffered physical violence during pregnancy. The provocative title came from one León woman, Ana Cristina, who told interviewers that after her husband, a Sandinista soldier, beat her, '.he would try to court me . he would buy me clothes.and then my grandmother would say to me: Child, what are you going to do with candies in hell?Significant victories The study was conducted in association with the Nicaraguan Women's Network Against Violence (WNAV), one of the region's most vibrant women's organisations. It has wrested significant victories from the last two conservative governments, such as the 1996 legislation (Law 230) which prohibits all forms of violence in families, including psychological violence, and the establishment of women's offices which counsel abused women in l3 police stations. Shocked by the scale of male violence - and with encouragement and pressure from WNAV that men must change their private behavior - a small but influential group of men came together in 1993 to address the issue of women's social justice. In the process, the Managua Men's Group Against Violence (GHCV) also responded to men's concerns. 'Many of us were unhappy with a socially imposed model that encouraged us to drink, fight, dominate, and sexually conquer women,' explains group member Oswaldo Montoya. The group's first slogan was: Violence also impoverishes men's lives. By 1999 the group had organised over 360 men in all-male workshops and two national conventions, leading to the founding of the AHCV in 2000. Significant changes Evidence suggests that working with men does have an impact on their behaviour. A survey of 112 male workshop participants and their partners found significant changes in self-reported incidence and frequency of domestic violence after such courses. Unlearning machismo takes a lifetime, acknowledges Juan Jiménez Vásquez, executive coordinator of AHCV. 'I'm not rid of all my baggage,' he admits. Patrick Welsh, author of the recent publication Men Aren't From Mars : Unlearning Machismo in Nicaragua, says the dynamic partnership between women's and men's groups flows from the country's l0-year (1979-1990) revolutionary FSLN experiment. Although the male-controlled movement worked to improve women's lives, it was reluctant to share power with women. Nonetheless, the revolution had a lasting impact on women's sense of their rights. For a minority of FSLN men, the Sandinista vision of social justice also led to the creation of the Managua Men's Group Against Violence. In 1998 its commitment to gender equity was profoundly tested when Zoilamérica Narváez publicly accused her step-father, former FSLN President Daniel Ortega, of sexually abusing her from the age of 11. Ortega, a member of the National Assembly, claimed parliamentary immunity and refused to stand trial. Other male National Assembly members rallied behind Ortega, claiming the Zoilamérica affair was a 'private matter' and her petition for justice has been shelved. The accusation shook GHCV members, many of whom were strongly identified with the Sandinistas. Ortega had been our hero, Jiménez recalls. The group went public in its support of Zoilamérica, escorting her to court to give evidence, guarding her against threats and demanding that Ortega take responsibility and waive immunity. Not to Ortega,Yes to SandinistasOrtega's unsuccessful FSLN presidential bid against the right-wing Constitutional Liberal Party (PLC) in the November elections posed a painful dilemma for AHCV members. They hoped for an FSLN victory, but they wanted justice for Zoilamérica. 'I continue to be a Sandinista,' Jiménez explains, but I don't want to see Ortega become president. Some leading feminists argued that abstention was the only option between the PLC and the opposition FSLN party, which is unable or unwilling to deal with the serious accusations of sexual abuse against its leader. Many fear the PLC victory will reverse pro-women legislation of the past 20 years by using its creation, the Ministry of the Family - widely seen as a concession to the Catholic Church - to roll back women's rights. PANOS Features Third World Resurgence No. 135/136, November/December 2001我的大学爱情观1、什么是大学爱情：大学是一个相对宽松，时间自由，自己支配的环境，也正因为这样，培植爱情之花最肥沃的土地。大学生恋爱一直是大学校园的热门话题，恋爱和学业也就自然成为了大学生在校期间面对的两个主要问题。恋爱关系处理得好、正确，健康，可以成为学习和事业的催化剂，使人学习努力、成绩上升；恋爱关系处理的不当，不健康，可能分散精力、浪费时间、情绪波动、成绩下降。因此，大学生的恋爱观必须树立在健康之上，并且树立正确的恋爱观是十分有必要的。因此我从下面几方面谈谈自己的对大学爱情观。2、什么是健康的爱情：1) 尊重对方，不显示对爱情的占有欲，不把爱情放第一位，不痴情过分；2) 理解对方，互相关心，互相支持，互相鼓励，并以对方的幸福为自己的满足; 3) 是彼此独立的前提下结合；3、什么是不健康的爱情：1)盲目的约会，忽视了学业;2)过于痴情，一味地要求对方表露爱的情怀，这种爱情常有病态的夸张;3)缺乏体贴怜爱之心，只表现自己强烈的占有欲;4)偏重于外表的追求;4、大学生处理两人的在爱情观需要三思：1. 不影响学习：大学恋爱可以说是一种必要的经历，学习是大学的基本和主要任务，这两者之间有错综复杂的关系，有的学生因为爱情，过分的忽视了学习，把感情放在第一位；学习的时候就认真的去学，不要去想爱情中的事，谈恋爱的时候用心去谈，也可以交流下学习，互相鼓励，共同进步。2. 有足够的精力：大学生活，说忙也会很忙，但说轻松也是相对会轻松的！大学生恋爱必须合理安排自身的精力，忙于学习的同时不能因为感情的事情分心，不能在学习期间，放弃学习而去谈感情，把握合理的精力，分配好学习和感情。3、 有合理的时间；大学时间可以分为学习和生活时间，合理把握好学习时间和生活时间的“度”很重要；学习的时候，不能分配学习时间去安排两人的在一起的事情，应该以学习为第一；生活时间，两人可以相互谈谈恋爱，用心去谈，也可以交流下学习，互相鼓励，共同进步。5、大学生对爱情需要认识与理解，主要涉及到以下几个方面：（一） 明确学生的主要任务“放弃时间的人，时间也会放弃他。”大学时代是吸纳知识、增长才干的时期。作为当代大学生，要认识到现在的任务是学习学习做人、学习知识、学习为人民服务的本领。在校大学生要集中精力，投入到学习和社会实践中，而不是因把过多的精力、时间用于谈情说爱浪费宝贵的青春年华。因此，明确自己的目标，规划自己的学习道路，合理分配好学习和恋爱的地位。（二） 树林正确的恋爱观提倡志同道合、有默契、相互喜欢的爱情：在恋人的选择上最重要的条件应该是志同道合，思想品德、事业理想和生活情趣等大体一致。摆正爱情与学习、事业的关系：大学生应该把学习、事业放在首位，摆正爱情与学习、事业的关系，不能把宝贵的大学时间，锻炼自身的时间都用于谈情说有爱而放松了学习。 相互理解、相互信任，是一份责任和奉献。爱情是奉献而不时索取，是拥有而不是占有。身边的人与事时刻为我们敲响警钟，不再让悲剧重演。生命只有一次，不会重来，大学生一定要树立正确的爱情观。（三） 发展健康的恋爱行为 在当今大学校园，情侣成双入对已司空见惯。抑制大学生恋爱是不实际的，大学生一定要发展健康的恋爱行为。与恋人多谈谈学习与工作，把恋爱行为限制在社会规范内，不致越轨，要使爱情沿着健康的道路发展。正如马克思所说：“在我看来，真正的爱情是表现在恋人对他的偶像采取含蓄、谦恭甚至羞涩的态度，而绝不是表现在随意流露热情和过早的亲昵。”（四） 爱情不是一件跟风的事儿。很多大学生的爱情实际上是跟风的结果，是看到别人有了爱情，看到别人幸福的样子（注意，只是看上去很美），产生了羊群心理，也就花了大把的时间和精力去寻找爱情（五） 距离才是保持爱情之花常开不败的法宝。爱情到底需要花多少时间，这是一个很大的问题。有的大学生爱情失败，不是因为男女双方在一起的时间太少，而是因为他们在一起的时间太多。相反，很多大学生恋爱成功，不是因为男女双方在一起的时间太少，而是因为他们准确地把握了在一起的时间的多少程度。（六） 爱情不是自我封闭的二人世界。很多人过分的活在两人世界，对身边的同学，身边好友渐渐的失去联系，失去了对话，生活中只有彼此两人；班级活动也不参加，社外活动也不参加，每天除了对方还是对方，这样不利于大学生健康发展，不仅影响学习，影响了自身交际和合作能力。总结：男女之间面对恋爱，首先要摆正好自己的心态，树立自尊、自爱、自强、自重应有的品格，千万不要盲目地追求爱，也不宜过急追求爱，要分清自己的条件是否成熟。要树立正确的恋爱观，明确大学的目的，以学习为第一；规划好大学计划，在不影响学习的条件下，要对恋爱认真，专一，相互鼓励，相互学习，共同进步；认真对待恋爱观，做健康的恋爱；总之，我们大学生要树立正确的恋爱观念，让大学的爱情成为青春记忆里最美的风景，而不是终身的遗憾！